Autism Acceptance Week 2023: Thinking Allowed.

It's the final day of Autism Acceptance Week 2023 which means it's the highly anticipated Autism Acceptance Day!

 

So I thought I'd be serious for the last post and talk about the differences you see (online and in the 'real-life') 'tween Autistic parents and 'Autism parents'.

And before anyone jumps in I'd like to point out that this isn't an angry hate piece written from on high about how one group is better than the other but more about have the differences can be utterly confusing and at times a wee bit freaky.* 

And this is exactly how these scenarios play out. Fact.

I covered something similar ages ago and had kinda forgotten about it till this week when I began to notice (again) that the Autism Acceptance Week posts in general were very different 'tween the actually Autistic and those who aren't.

 

As a plus point there not as scary as the overzealous stuff Ive seen in the past but occasionally a clumsy comment/post about the hardships of having an Autistic person in the house can blindside you and hit hard.

When I read how Autism can break up marriages, destroy friendships, cause mental health issues and generally make folks lives hell I can't help but feel If not me personally then my 'condition' is at least is responsible in some way and that this must be what I do to other people.

Do I have so few friends because I'm too stressful to be around and it's just too much hard work?

Am I causing untold damage to my wife by just being who I am?

Am I somehow a burden to those close to me, only giving joy in tiny amounts when I achieve something that others take for granted?

Obviously not cos that is utter bollocks.

But it still makes you question yourself when - by accident or design - the default setting seems to be Autism=bad.

Maybe I over-compensate or maybe it's just that I don't feel the disconnect from Autism so I don't spend time trying to come to terms with it but what I do know is that whenever myself or my podlings have ever had a meltdown it's not Autism  that's responsible - it's the lack of support or understanding in the outside world.

Whenever I get frustrated or annoyed that I'm not being heard or understood I know that it's not my fault, it's the person I'm talking to not having a brain that works exactly like mine.

And the fact that you might not be interested in the contradictions and mistakes in Doctor Who continuity?

Totally your fault.

You see, if a parent wants to blame Autism for everything (even when just venting) then by rights I can blame everything on people who aren't Autistic.

So do I have so few friends because I'm too stressful to be around and it's just too much hard work or is it because NT folk aren't complex enough to be interesting?

See?

Not cool is it?

Now, both sides might think they're right** but it's not actually gonna get us anywhere is it?

And before anyone pipes in with a 'But you're 'high functioning'! (gah) My child can't speak!" in a vain effort to win at some bizarre victim-based game of Autistic Top Trumps, can I just say (and I've said it before) I understand your frustrations and I get it -  my twin daughters didn't speak till they were 6 and Cassidy (16) has limited vocabulary and (very) limited social skills and it yes can be bloody hard work.

I'm 53 and still have trouble with shoelaces and can't navigate big cities, only last year I ended up crying on a London Underground worker because there were too many words on the sign and it jumbled into a mess meaning I couldn't find out where I was.

It actually took singing the Underground Ernie theme to figure out my route.

But yep, I'm absolutely fine.

As I said in a previous post (what can I say, I like repetition - sue me) I understand that parenting an Autistic child can be hard - as can parenting in general and some folk cope better than others but to equate Autism with everything that can and is wrong is quite honestly offensive to those of us who actually are Autistic.

And before everyone starts shouting "But we need folk to be aware of Autism and what it's like!" can I just say that in all honesty if folk aren't aware by now then that's their problem.

Me? I've got awareness spilling out of my shoes.

What we need now is acceptance.....we've even put it in the hashtag to be helpful.

And we need it from everybody.

Including you at home.

*By freaky I mean upsetting but didn't want to put you off reading.

**Actually only one of us is right, and that's me.