Any excuse for an Arcadia reference, sorry....Anyway those of you with long memories (and short nails) may remember back in February I sent an open letter to the Scottish Government regarding Autistic families during lockdown. Surprisingly I received not one single reply.    Anyway, today we received a load of election flyers thru' the door so I've decided that if any of the parties really want my/our vote they can take a look at the letter and tell us exactly what they'll do to change things.   I'll be doing it with every candidate we get a flyer from. Updates as they happen. 

Me and Rho (Mrs Ash - not some random stranger I accosted in the street, I mean I'm still social distancing) were bored t'other night so decided to both take the Autism Spectrum Quotient online test for a giggle. Can you tell which result is which?* *There's no prize it's just for fun.

Some of you may have read the open letter to The Scottish Government I wrote t'other week regarding the issues facing special needs families during lockdown so thought I'd follow that post up with their reply.                                                                              Isn't it great to feel wanted?

As most of you know, this blog usually runs the gamut from funny to silly to sad to angry and back again with everything inbetween. It's been cathartic, it's been entertaining and at times it's been - hopefully - helpful. But now I feel is the time to be brutally honest.   So here we are almost a year into the ongoing lockdown situation due to Covid and I have to admit that I'm done. Far from the "We're all in it together!" narrative that's been banded around since last March I've come to realise that in the day to day running of things and as far as special needs families are concerned nothing has changed. Oh there are nods by governments and local authorities towards the issues we're having to deal with but at the end of the day it's all just empty platitudes and buzzwords. Yes, we all know that this has always been the way but to be honest right now it actually matters. And the lack of action and support is having effects that will be fe...

 Been busy curating/illustrating a new online magazine - written by and for us autistic folk. And it seems to have gone down fairly well if this review from Third Force News is anything to go by... You can find out more here . Enjoy....and if you do then contribute!    

 Just a word of warning that lockdown has brought Ro and myself to a point where we're producing a podcast.... More info to follow.

So we're two weeks into 2021 and nothing seems to have changed since the first lockdown last March and I've hit the point where thinking any further ahead than a couple of days is becoming way too stressful. My constant 'Man Who Fell to Earth' multi-screen head is slowly turning into an off-tune B&W portable TV and to be honest that kinda freaks me out a wee bit...even typing it scares me as it's hard to admit that I'm not the massive mountain of strength I should be. Yes I have a few (emphasis on the few) projects to keep me going plus the joys of home schooling should be kicking in but the whole bizarre vague complexity of the situation is just fogging up my brain. The need to logically - and simply - plan out actions and responses seems useless right now as those in power (to a lesser extent up here) seem content to just shuffle about doing nothing. Shoppers are still unable to queue, wear masks or social distance at tills and it feels like I'm scream...

  As you might remember during lockdown , as a wee change from drawing monsters and the like, Rho persuaded me to start drawing the birds that visited our garden (and an owl because, reasons).  

Between my last post/rant and life in general it's been a fairly stressful few weeks not helped by the fact that as soon as a Covid vaccine gets announced the whole "vaccines cause autism" bollocks flares up again on t'internet quickly followed by the news that Glasgow is going to phase 4 lockdown Friday meaning that my Twitter news feed is choc full of "my child can wear a mask/I have no face and manage to wear one so you can too!" posts. And to be honest the sick, twisty feeling in my stomach means I really can't be doing with it. I remember posting previously how the whole Covid situation has made it feel like I was running on emergency battery power with absolutely no purpose or idea as to why or how I was doing anything. As I said then, I usually work from home so I'd gone from having my own space and routines to a houseful of folk all with different needs and routines that (quite rightly) come first. Yes we've been back to school an...

Just a quickie today as there's loads going on (our modem getting repaired for one thing) but thought I'd mention the fact that I popped into Glasgow city centre today for the first time since lockdown started. And in case you're wondering yes, I am wearing a Dave Hill T-Shirt. Look I'm from the Black Country so sue me. Rho and the girls have already ventured into town last week but I've been really nervous so decided to pop in on my own first and visit a (very) few shops I know in order to get back into the whole shopping routine. Plus after hearing a fair few horror stories online regarding exemption passes I thought it'd be easier to argue the point on my own (if needed) than when I had the twin engines of destruction with me! I shouldn't have worried tho' as actually everyone I dealt with was absolutely great. And who were they and what shops did I visit? Well if I tell you please don't judge. As always the staff at Westerton tr...

Not usually grumpy first thing in the morning but noticed a huge upturn in folk self-righteously posting about masks across social media so just wanted to post a wee reminder. Seriously, if you can (And do) wear a face mask that's brilliant, knock yerself out but don't keep saying that if you/your dog/your Nan can do it anyone can. I can't because if I do I have a total autistic sensory meltdown and will end up in a ball in the corner of the shop and I really shouldn't be being made to feel like shit because of this. I tried for two weeks to wear one and if I'm honest the stress vomiting and cold shakes aren't really that pleasant when you're getting set to go out for bread and milk. Or during. The whole point is those that can wear them do it to protect those that can't, not to shame them so they feel (in my case at least) less a 'normal' person than everyone else. To be honest I've had enough of that growing up without n...

After the angry man incident t'other day I've been a wee bit worried about not being able to wear a mask out shopping. Well apart from the autistic one obviously. Well, wore my exemption lanyard whilst out yesterday (yes I know it's kinda embarrassing that the girls can wear masks but I can't - deal with it) and an happy to say that the three shops I went in were great! Phew....Hopefully this is a sign of things to come!

Vaguely amusing incident in Morrison's yesterday that I just had to share. Well didn't actually have to (I mean it's not like someone threatened my dog if I didn't*) but you know what I mean. Anyway, over the last week or so we've been getting the podlings used to idea of wearing face masks when out shopping partly in preparation for it becoming mandatory in shops next week but manly just to see if they can wear them OK. And guess what? Yup, they're fine with them but my massive face phobia has kicked in and I find myself hyperventilating and panicking to a point of passing out. Oh yes, and panic vomiting. Add to that I'm finding it really difficult to focus on/read folks faces (well even more difficult than normal) when everything is hidden. Anyway, I've been doing my best but toward the end of the shopping trip I've got the choice of: A. Taking off the facemask and making it out of the shop on two feet. or B. Collapsing in a sha...

4 months into lockdown I feel like I'm currently running on emergency battery power which is rather bizarre.    Best way to describe it is that it feels like an almost drunken calm with a smidgen of angst.   Sometimes it gets to a point where everything seems so vague and muggy that if you don't concentrate enough you feel that you might just fade away. What I'd give to sit outside in a bloody big thunderstorm right now.

My Covid-caused project of acquiring perfect # lockdownLynchlocks continues and it seems that I've now hit peak Gordon Cole! Next stop.....Henry Spencer!

Just a quick post today - obviously it's a wee bit frantic here plus I actually have work to do (no really) but it struck me t'other day how utterly confusing  my feelings are re: the whole lockdown thing. I've posted before about how much of a struggle I'm finding the new norm as opposed to how well the kids are handling it (mostly) so wont repeat that here but what I will say is how contradictory the whole thing feels. On one hand I'm still feeling like I'm slowly sinking into a massive pool of (other people's) emotions, needs and stress whilst desperately trying to find new routines and ways to stay if not sane then at least fairly functioning yet on the other (manicured) hand the fact that I feel I can be much more upfront and 'openly autie' when out has been absolutely liberating. It certainly feels like it. With no extended family or outside help we've been/we are totally self-sufficient - we don't miss or feel we nee...

Noticed I'd been a wee bit serious/ranting/rantingly serious of late (cheers to all who replied!) and looking back I realized I'd totally forgotten to post about how brilliant our local Morrisson's has been during lockdown. After the experience we had with the mad woman shouting at Amelia back in March - which was dealt with brilliantly by George the security man - the shop and staff have been absolutely amazing, from telling us to phone for items we needed during the great food shortage wars to allowing us priority access and generally being lovely (always asking how the kids, and myself, are) we as a family couldn't ask for nicer folk. And it's even more appreciated when you realise the pressure they're under too. It's refreshing to find anyone - not just a shop - that's willing to listen and then actually act - on the advice and needs of the autistic community. Brilliant. Also have to say a big 'thank you' to our local Aldi...

A really quick post about the whole Dominic Cumming/autistic wean thing currently exploding on 'the Twitter'. Sorry if I'm way more ranty than normal but to be honest - which I always am - I'm bloody raging. So according to an anonymous leak, Dominic Cummings son is 'severely' autistic and that's why he had to travel 250 odd miles to his parents house to celebrate his wife's birthday or whatever. Seriously I so saw this excuse coming, a perfect way to shut up critics and to frame him as a caring type. It's the perfect excuse - it's not like we can say "Well he doesn't look autistic" is it?  Which would be OK I guess if he wasn't one of the architects of the whole herd immunity/DNR orders for autistic folk idea who pushes eugenics theory at every opportunity. It's a mazing how, after Cumming's says his child is autistic that everyone and their fucking dog has an opinion. If that's the case at...

I'd posted t'other week about how the routines put in place for us autie-types over lockdown can sometimes have a detrimental effect in the long run as they're not actually our routines, mostly folk have assumed that it's what we need to cope and this can cause lots of major upset along the way. You can read that here by the way. But what do I mean by this I hear you ask. Well hear you type obviously but you get the gist. Well just talk to your friends (virtually obviously) and you'll see the difference between how (NT) folk cope and how autistic folk are 'meant' to cope. NT people:   "I'm in lockdown and a wee bit worried.....bottle of wine and loads of snacks for me every night! Sod it I'm staying in my PJs today! Shave my legs? Screw that!"  And so on.... Autistic folk:   "This is all mental.....I can't do the things I need to do and it's driving me mad.....I'm going to stay in bed till it's all o...

One of those lockdown updates and surprisingly the kids are doing great (a few wobbles here and there but that's to be expected) but scarily I'm really struggling. As I've said before I usually work from home so I've gone from having my own space and routines to a houseful of folk all with different needs and routines plus (as mentioned here ) I do a fair bit of 'social mapping', which put simply means that before I indulge/partake in any social situations  I spend an inordinate amount of time planning and then revising how the situation may play out. So being in a situation with absolutely no rules and with no idea how it will end is basically wearing me out. I have no energy or idea how to cope with anything on a day to day basis and the whole lockdown thing feels like I'm drowning in loud emotional treacle. The basic stuff like getting up (eventually), getting dressed and eating is OK but even that is taking way more effort than usual. ...