Cabin Fever.

Coming into week 5 of lockdown here (with at least 3 more to come) and whilst the podlings aren't getting too fraught they've been having their wee ups and downs as have some of their friends.

Oh yes, and me too.

Well this got me to thinking, we've done our best to put routines and schedules in place for them (we actually spent the first week almost as a holiday, talking to them about when they'd be doing schoolwork, when we'd be going out etc as to ease them into it), as I've said before it was way more important to have them settled first and then work on routines and the like for me later because, well I'm an adult.

Mostly.

Remember when we could go to the park?

Anyway over a month in and we all know day to day what's happening/expected - we do shopping trips, work on the garden, do school stuff, chill out a fair bit and the like but still trying to make it loose enough that it doesn't get too stressful (you HAVE to do exactly 4 hours of schoolwork per day children!) - so the question is why am I still on edge and feeling shot to fuck?

Well at the start of the week there was the whole haircut situation to deal with, you see I get a haircut exactly every 4 weeks to get the sides graded (0 - 1), get my quiff trimmed every 8.

It's 4 weeks on Tuesday since my last cut and I could feel the hair growing around my neck which meant my head wasn't feeling right when I went out.

Yes, I know.

Anyway after much begging and promising no tantrums or divorce if it went to pot I finally persuaded Rho to clipper the back and sides today and guess what?

She did a grand job and my head feels normal again.

Chatting over a post haircut vape and a cuppa I got to thinking, It seems that although a lot of the autistic folk I know (both adults and children) have some sorts of routines in place - either put there themselves or by parent/carers - they still seem to be having a hard time.

Then it hit me as to why.

Yes, these routines are all well and good but think about it, they aren't our routines.

Of course, we're doing school work, shopping and the like and yes, it may seem kinda normal but if you think about it it really isn't, it's almost a fake normality to take our minds off it and keep busy.

I mentioned a few posts back (possibly) that my big routine thing has been the Doctor Who simulcasts organised by the rather wonderful Emily Cook on Twitter - once a week we all sit down and tweet along to episodes alongside the cast and crew,

I mean with all this fairly scary ~(if I'm honest) pandemic stuff going down, who'd have thought that tweetalongs to an utterly bonkers and very silly TV show would be the thing to keep me going?

Seriously my whole life has been timetabled to them.

But as much as this is the (OK I admit it, very sad) case and I've been kept busy with the kids/gardening/shopping etc I've still felt like I've been slowly losing the ability to function, getting to sleep is a nightmare, getting up is a nightmare and the bits in between are like wading thru' thick black treacle.

I don't know if I'm about to laugh or burst into tears so I just push it down and try not to think too much about it.

Which is really tricky when your brain is constantly firing off information and the inside of your head looks like a still from The Man Who Fell To Earth.

I've tried to give an insight into this here and here, if you've not read it feel free as it might help make sense of my ramblings - on here and in 'the real life'.

If we ever get back to it I mean.

Inside my head right now - and every single minute of every single day. Except Tuesdays obviously.

Scary as it seems the one thing during that last five weeks that has actually made me feel like I'm a part of the world and in any way normal is getting the back and sides of my hair cut on the exact right day I normally do.

Because as I said, that's my routine.

So what can we do?

Whatever we need to to feel 'normal' really.

And if that means spending a day in your PJs, bingeing on crappy eurohorror for a month or not going to sleep for a fortnight then go for it.

You'll thank me for it later.

Tho' probably not when everything returns to what you NT folk refer to as 'normality' and we have to start behaving again obviously.

But then maybe we wont.

Be seeing you.